A Brain MRI and a Bronchoscopy
One day someone came into my room and told me I would be having my brain MRI. I was claustrophobic on a good day and now with all of my panic attacks and psychosis I was really claustrophobic. So once again, I was administered IV Ativan. I dozed off every now and then and would suddenly jolt awake. I'm not sure how the images they were taking could even be accurate. The next day, I was told that I had a pituitary tumor. I was quite concerned about what that meant. I certainly didn’t need any more problems and this was a doozy. They looked at the films again and decided it was a pituitary cyst. Then, they said it was a pituitary bleed. Later, they would tell me it was just a shadow. A shadow didn’t seem too good either, but it certainly wasn’t a conclusive answer. A month or two after being discharged I repeated the brain MRI two more times and it was eventually determined to be a benign cyst. However, while still in the hospital, it was another thing for me to worry about.
I would end up needing a bronchoscopy during my stay. Again, I would receive sedatives but nothing would happen. I opened my eyes so the doctor would see that the medicines had not taken effect, but he just told me to close my eyes. I gagged the whole time as the tube was down my throat. As with the Ativan, the medicines began to make me hallucinate. I could now hear an angry man inside my chest. I was getting a picture of him in my mind’s eye as well. He was screaming at me and telling me I was going to pay for what I did to him. The voice made no mention of what it was I might have done. I tried to figure it out but he never said. It was a very unpleasant experience and it was made worse by the fact that I could not talk to let anyone know what was happening.
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