A Reassuring Doctor and Finally Crying
I was having some TMJ issues which I would later find out was due to the Fosamax I was put on, which was supposed to help build back bone density. In a few years I’d be taken off the drug due to my compromised kidney function, and the TMJ would go away. My brother-in-law did some modified CPT for me to help move the mucus that was getting stuck due to my lack of movement. My sister and father helped me work my leg muscles a bit when they would come to visit. I remember one of the rounding doctors coming by to check on me and I had so many questions. I was so afraid I would never walk again. I just didn’t see how it would be possible. The thought terrified me. She assured me that I would indeed walk again. She said it would just take some time to gain muscle back. She sat for a while answering my many questions and trying to comfort me. She understood that I was traumatized from nearly dying and being pulled back to life in my 11th hour. I went into this process blindly and was very overwhelmed. I had only known of two other people who had double lung transplants, as I mentioned, and anything I knew, which was very limited, came from them. A transplant coordinator would come by every now and then to go over the new rules I had to follow. She helped me learn about the new medicines and what each one was for. She went over the list of food restrictions and various other restrictions such as no jacuzzis or indoor pools.
It would be about two weeks after my transplant that I was finally able to cry. I had waited a long time for this. I just let it all out. My mother was there to comfort me. This whole process was extremely traumatic and I was filled with fear, learning all the things that could go wrong and all the new restrictions. I felt guilty for crying because I was constantly being told by doctors and nurses how lucky I was to be alive and how all that mattered was that I was breathing now. I had a lot of emotions to process.
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