Hallucinating and The Breathing Tube Gets Taken Out

 Hallucinating and The Breathing Tube Gets Taken Out

 

    When I woke up, I was so uncomfortable and in so much pain. I wanted to communicate but there was a breathing tube down my throat, so I could not speak. I didn’t wake up to my family, but instead to a small room with two nurses. One nurse brought me a white board and a marker so I could communicate but I didn’t have the muscles necessary to write down my message. I wanted to write “I want to die.”  I couldn't believe all I had come through to wake up to this. I was in agony. I kept trying to move the breathing tube just ever so slightly to make it more comfortable in my hot, dry throat but I was warned if I kept that up, my arms would be put in restraints. The pain was searing in my lungs. On top of that I was hallucinating from the pain medicine. I thought I was naked laying on a large white plate on top of the bed. I envisioned a large wedding cake on top of me. In my mind, my legs were shackled to the bed. I also thought I saw a man and a woman who were threatening to kill me and the nurse, if the nurse didn’t give them the drugs they wanted. I couldn’t ask anyone what was going on and the whole experience was completely terrifying. I had no idea that this was a common experience to have after transplant.

    Around the second day, they took out my breathing tube. They told me to cough as they pulled it out. What a relief that was!  At first, I was only allowed to have a wet sponge to suck on. It just didn't give me the relief I was looking for. It wasn’t too long before I was offered a drink. They gave me a cold ginger ale. I was absolutely elated and couldn’t wait to gulp it down. I took one sip and was disgusted. My taste buds had been affected by all the medicine. It was extremely disappointing.

    I spent the first two or so days in this heavily monitored unit. I'm not sure what this unit was called. I was transferred to another step-down unit, but eventually, I made it to a regular transplant room. I got to see my family in the step-down unit that I shared with another woman. I’m not sure what she was in for. She didn’t seem to have had a transplant.